Tell Your Story

While many of us sit and allow our story to shame us and imprison us there are many others that are using their story to impact the world. It was just this morning that the reality of why I am still where I am brought me to a place of sadness. The shame of the provocative way I danced, the promiscuity of my past, the lies that I told out of shame of self, the drunken sailor like ways I use to curse, the hatred I once harbored for my parents, the vengeful tendencies that I once carried, the loneliness of depression that I even as a married Christian allowed myself to fall into and above all of this the way that I saw myself is y what imprisoned me worse of all.

I became a motivator because of the gifts that God game and because I never wanted other people to feel the pain I felt and sad to say sometimes still feel as a result of my past. I allowed negative emotions and shame to become what I saw when I looked in the mirror and that is bad. For me it was not why this did all happen it was look at what you allowed. This became my life’s prison. I felt like I was invisible, not good enough to be seen, I felt like I was trash that did not deserve a place in this world. I said to myself, my parents had a good reason for not wanting me. I even went as far as to think that every negative thing that has ever happen to me was well deserved, whether I was the cause or not.

Due to all of this self-hatred, I could not embrace being saved, how could I be saved? Who would want to save me? And why? I heard about the love of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but how could I embrace it? I did not understand unconditional love and those that said they love me hurt me or used me so why would I want it!! Still I went to church accepted Jesus, got baptized, prayed (sometimes), read the word (sometimes), heard the preacher preach, helped out, and even sang on the worship team. This did not change all of the self-loathing that I lived on a daily basis. Prophesies was made over me and I second guessed it all. I was given many compliments but the doubt that I held would not allow me to embrace any of this as fact.

The amazing thing is throughout all of this God was tugging at my heart and I did not even realize it. I would pray before eating because that is was I was taught and after marriage my husband and I made it mandatory at our home. That may seem simple but there is more! I started a youth program in my living room working with the youth in the community all in an effort to provide a place where they can come enjoy themselves through the arts and go home. (I love the arts and God knew that) I began to use mannerism that my parent s did not teach me, (I learned it from outside sources upstate). There is a whole lot more but I will put them in other blogs. Overall He was tugging me to become she who I was designed to be.

Still it was not until I was able to admit the state of mind that I was in was I able to change through the word. There are many things that will happen when you tell the truth, persecution, insults, growth, and a whole lot more. But the one thing that will happen that will change your life is FREEDOM! No more, held back, no need to hide, you have not loosened the hold that the accuser has over you. You are not your mistakes and you are not your past. You made mistakes in the past but you are now a new creature in Jesus Christ and you see that all over the bible what I was before Jesus, what He has done for me and what He has made me! Please tell your story you will change a life

#transparent #keepitreal